There are times when the mirror is a portal to another planet. When you feel damned. When you've lost stable ground, when you've been around every bend, sending energy out into the universe, putting salve on all your hurts. So you can move forward, avoiding broken doorways, leaving bridges in the rearview ablaze. Because You… Continue reading The Confusing State of Feeling Lost But Found
Anxiety has been a part of my life for many years. I watched family members learn to deal with it. It scared and confused me, I was thankful to not have to experience it myself. Until I did. The worst anxiety attack I ever had, was on a bus, while in transit to an pre-req… Continue reading When good anxiety feels the same as bad anxiety….
This is a dawning, a crowning It feels like falling, though slipping down waterfalls, the fold flow cleansing dark places, erasing faces growing me through wasted traces of who I could have been, spinning from the battles I couldn't win, falling always, wingless and losing steam. It became exhausting, so I stopped hitting snooze and… Continue reading As Is. (the moment you realize their words aren’t truth)
I remember the exact moment I wanted to "help". Of course, I liked to help people in any way I could, but this was different. I decided in that moment that I wanted to be of service. I decided that I wanted to this to part of who I was. It was 1997 and my … Continue reading The drive to be ‘of service’
One thing that I've always had an abundance of is empathy. I'm grateful for that because I think it truly saved me from going down a darker and lonelier path. I believe that I was on my way to becoming what is thought of as a covert narcissist . A covert narcissist is someone who is… Continue reading Why I think I almost became a covert narcissist and how I continue to work not to become one
You know that being honest will act as a filter and push people away. It doesn't really seem important, before you make the commitment and strap yourself in for the ride. You feel brave...like a renegade or an anarchist. "Fuck what you think (but… Continue reading Brave.
I’m a contortionist to your
extortion habit, your
blind assumptions bred from over consumption
Of your thought process; that mad mess, from
over obsessing, living in sadness.
Fake politeness, behind which hides
the viscious, tearing snap, unexpected
leaving teeth marks,
snarling and ripping
right through my bloody heart.
With your lofty ideas, a galleria
of thoughts marbled by patterns, wraught
wrapped so tightly. But you see,
I’ve been here so many times, different
versions of you, different signs.
You’re not special, just a lesson, the universe
has been pressing, testing me
Showing me how to rise again,
I almost did once. Ruminating, posturing,
trying to fit in, trying to find my place in
This salty mess, maybe in excess, often
suppressing, almost aggressively.
I’m losing my fear of falling
though, focused on the climb after
I spent too much time crawling.
I am finally exhaling all the
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Friendship as an adult is a tricky thing. People often claim life is busy but really it's a question of priorities. Most of us are unable to deal with someone else's drama because of our own. A lot of people tend to be intolerant of anything that isn't "focusing on the positive" and they check… Continue reading Working through fear of friendship
Something we all do as humans is judge a book by it's cover. We judge actual books by their covers but we also judge people that way. If you met me, you'd see my smile, hear my laugh and watch me walk, you wouldn't know anything was wrong. What if I told you that I… Continue reading I’ve learned to believe it when people tell me I’m strong
I didn't have any personal problem with myself. My issue was always been a lack of backbone. I could easily be convinced, swayed, angered, saddened, hurt etc. I let myself believe any bullshit I was fed, about my looks, my behaviour...anything. I was told so many times by so many people, that my buttons were… Continue reading Learning to see the beauty in my faults